We are nearing the end. Terri called a week ago Sunday and said dad was unresponsive, hadn't eaten in almost 3 days and was still in bed at 2:30pm. Rick and I went over to see if we could help her roust him up. We couldn't and called 911. I explained to him that EMTs were coming and would take him to the hospital. He nodded a very weak agreement.
Once there it was determined that he was severely dehydrated, had bacteria in his blood and a very enlarged, bleeding prostate. He was listed as a "comfort care" patient which means they were more concerned about keeping him comfortable than prolonging his life. There was so much blood in his urine that they did a procedure to correct that on Friday and he was discharged on Saturday.
It was my intention to call Hospice and find out if we qualified for help last Monday but the hospital stay took care of that for me. They were very nice and informative. There was no question that he qualified so they took care of everything. A hospital bed was ordered and Scott, Rick, Terri and Katy got the living room all set up and ready for Dad's return.
He came home on Saturday afternoon and the Hospice coordinator came to make sure we had everything we needed and to tell us more about how it all works. Scott, Terri, Katy and I had a quick on the job training as no one else was coming to help until tomorrow (Tuesday). We had to empty the catheter bag, clean up the poo, keep dad from trying to get up, turn him every few hours, try to get him to eat/drink, keep him from fidgeting with the catheter, convince him to keep what little clothing he had on, adjust him in the bed etc. The four of us were so proud of ourselves when we realized we could do all of this AND change the soiled sheets while he was still on the bed. Maybe one reason he was in the hospital so long was for us to observe how to do some of these things.
Terri once said (when she moved in), "I will do anything but I won't wipe the man's butt!" Well, she has very lovingly and gently done exactly that. Last night it took all 3 of us girls to clean him up, we sent Scott in to help Erica make her top bunk bed. The men in our family are a tad squeemish. She has come so far in her ability and understanding of her role as caregiver. It has all been more than we imagined but if we don't stress on the long term and take one day at a time we'll do fine. It makes it easier because Dad is not at all mobile so we no longer have to worry about him leaving the house or falling.
I've had to explain several times that although Mom is very aware that she is 80, she's not aware that her thought processes are at about 9 or 10. She can't really help much at all in Dad's care but she does keep him company and can alert us if he comes around. She's doing well enough under the circumstances.
As I read about the last stages of life I see that he is in the eleventh hour. This may last a few weeks or a few days but the indications are all clearly there. It's funny because one of his greatest fears was that he would divulge sensitive information about his past military service. The reality is the only thing he seems focused on is his years at the storehouse/cannery. He talks, somewhat incoherently, to an unknown audience and we've come to understand that we don't need to respond because that confuses him. He recognized me this morning. My cousin's daughter Jessica came to visit and for a brief few minutes he talked with her and seemed to genuinely connect with her.
He's not eating or drinking much of anything, which is part of the process. I think today we may have gotten a whopping 200 calories in him. He has to take an antibiotic twice a day with food so we try to get him to eat a few bites of egg or pudding to help with that. We don't force the issue...we can't. Once in a while his sense of humor shines through the dark veil of his mind. Yesterday a lot of family came over so Scott went home and brought over 4 of his baby bunnies (he has 17 of them). I held one up to Dad and said look how cute. He looked at it a few seconds and said, "wait a little while and he'll be lunch!".
I don't remember if it was yesterday or this morning but he said something to Terri about going home. She told him that he had her permission to go home whenever he wanted, that we would all be fine. In the meantime we wait and serve and draw closer to each other as we help him through this transition. I am acutely aware of Heavenly Father's tender mercies as we perform each task and as each day presents it's self. I am ever grateful for the Plan of Salvation and my understanding of this process. We don't know everything but what we do know is of great comfort.
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