Time For A Change

     My daughter, her 3 children and I left to go to visit my sister in Missouri on the 21st. On Monday my daughter-in-law took my Dad to his scheduled Dr.'s appointment. She called me later that night to let me know that Dad had scraped his backside last week sometime and it had become grossly infected. She took the bull by the horns, so to speak, and took over. During the next few days there were multiple appointments with two different doctors (one a surgeon) in trying to curb the infection and properly stabilize the wound. Katy was very thorough, not only in her care of Dad (regularly cleaning and dressing the wound) but also in keeping me posted long distance.  She and my son kept a close eye on both parents as my Mom was clearly not able to handle things.

     In light of these events we had long talks with my husband, my sister, my daughter and my son and his wife. It has been decided that Terri and her children will move in with the parents. There are lots of reasons why Terri is the most appropriate one to do this:

• She's single (divorced) at the moment so is easier to accommodate, and she's WILLING!
• Her children will all be in school during the day and usually with their dad on weekends so won't be too much of an added burden on my parents' mental capacities
• She already spends a lot of time there between taking Mom shopping and cleaning the house twice a month and various other things she does.
• My mother thinks Terri is the most wonderful thing ever and will listen to her when she won't anyone else

     When we (me, Terri and Katy) explained to my parents what we wanted to do we had already talked about so many things that it wasn't difficult to lay out our plan.  My mom had a bit of a conniption as she doesn't see that there is any problem at all; in spite of the fact that she burned the salmon patties so badly that they couldn't be eaten and then gave Dad a grilled peanut butter and jelly sandwich for dinner the following night. He has mentioned several times in the last year that he is more afraid of dying from food poisoning than Parkinson's!

• Mom may not need attentive care at the moment but Dad does
• If Terri is there she can help with anything, day or night. One of our concerns now is that if something happens to Dad in the middle of the night, will Mom be able to get it together enough to call the appropriate people i.e. family, EMTs etc.
• They need more day-to-day attention given to meals, laundry and general upkeep of the home
• With someone else there, they can stay in their home and, at the moment, not even think of having to go into assisted living care or anything else.
• We all really don't want someone to stay there that we don't know
• If Terri gets up and notices Dad is having a bad day she can call me before she leaves to go anywhere and I can fill in.

     The conversation went rather well in spite of Mom's perplexity. I had to take Dad to an appointment so we had a long time to continue talking about it. He seems very happy with the plan and we'll work to that end. Terri was doing her usual cleaning while we were gone and she said that Mom was a lot more agreeable by the time she was done. Mom kept saying how they could do this or that if she was there so it looks promising.

Well, that should catch everyone up on this episode...I'm sure there will be others forthcoming!

We Talk About Death

     Dad talks about death all the time. He says he had something happen where he heard a voice saying very clearly, "you've spent your whole life helping teach people how to live. Now it's time to teach them how to die." He's very comfortable and not at all maudlin about it.

     A couple of years ago I went with him to buy his and Mom's burial space. I say "space" because they have a hole in the mausoleum wall of a cemetery in Harrisonburg. Mom refuses to talk about it any more than absolutely necessary so I went with him. Besides neither of them drive anymore.  It went well and all things were talked about and paid for. Mom is happy because she has this thing about being buried underground where bugs and things can get at her. She liked the fact that she will be about 5 feet up off the ground.

     I went to the funeral of a good friend last week and came back to my parent's house to report. I said "Dad, I've got your funeral day all planned!". "We'll have the service at 11:00 followed by the grave site service at 1:00. Then everyone will be invited back to the church (the address will already be in their GPs) to eat and visit for as long as they want. We'll have it catered and tell the catering people that all we want is for them to bring the food to the church and then leave. We'll take care of clean up and everything. This way, those coming from Maryland can visit with mom and she can go home whenever she wants with no mess and no fuss going on there." He allowed as how this all sounded like a good idea.

     He has a good friend that he asked to write his eulogy several years ago. John has already written it and sent Dad a copy for his approval! He worries about getting all his papers in order and doesn't want anyone to be put out or worrying about any untied loose ends.

Phone Calls

     Ok, it's been a while since my last post but I had to think this through. I don't want any of my posts to sound like I'm complaining because I'm really not. My husband is my sounding board as he listens without judgments and not too many comments. But for this to have the desired effect, for me and others, I think I still need to write it out.
    
     I've come to the conclusion that Parkinson's and Alzheimer's have a lot in common. Dad doesn't totally zone out but he does forget things and the rehashing doesn't always bring the same results, but usually does. I've started calling these things "Parkinsonian Events".

     Dad owns a house in Baltimore that we would have held onto but it has become problematic and he has decided to sell it. I told him that Rick and I both thought that was a good idea, all things considered. The next day he called and wanted to talk to Rick who was at work. He said he wanted to ask him what he thought about selling the Baltimore house. The next day he called and asked if we wanted to handle the sale. NO! Get someone who LIVES in Baltimore and knows the area. We are about 3+ hours away. I think that issue is settled for now.    

     Yesterday Dad called and told me "the Louisiana relatives should be here Friday around noon, now when are you leaving for Missouri"? We're leaving on the 21st right after church. "And when are you going to Texas?" From the 12th to the 16th of September. This afternoon he called..."now, the Louisiana bunch is due here tomorrow around noon right?" Yes, that's what you told me yesterday. "And you and Terri are leaving for Missouri when?" The 21st. "Your going to Texas by yourself when?" The 12th through the 16th of September.

     Another development is Dad is so afraid of forgetting to dispense his meds properly or order new prescriptions, that I've taken over that task for him. All the meds are at my house and I take care of all reorders and pick-ups. We have two containers that hold a weeks worth of pills. On Mondays I take a new (full) one and bring home the empty one. Then repeat the following week. His concern today was "what's going to happen while you're gone?". Well, I'll leave two full ones so there won't be any lapse while I'm gone.

     It's funny because, with my Mom's issues, she and Dad often say things that cause one to look at the other as if what they just said is totally off the wall. Part of the problem is that her long tern memory is shot and his short term memory is likewise. Mom goes shopping with my daughter every week and, more often than not, Dad will call while she's gone!

     My daughter is a life saver and a joy! She lives about 1/2 a mile from my parents. She takes Mom shopping EVERY week. She can do her own shopping in about one and a half hours including travel time. With Mom, she is usually gone over 4 hours. Mom can't walk very fast and, even though it's just her and Dad, she has to peruse every isle and buys way too much. Terri is compensated by the fact that Mom fills up her car's gas tank and they go through some drive-thru for lunch on the way home. Terri also cleans their house every other week as Mom just doesn't see as well as she used to so a lot of things get missed.

I'm glad the relatives are coming tomorrow as they will keep the parents occupied and give them something to do besides worry... for a few days anyway.